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Who Will You Run To?
Title: Who Will You Run To?
Fandom: Original Fiction - Lizards ‘verse
Series: Kat’s Therapy Journal -14th Vallos, 5432
Prompt: Trust Issues
Medium: FIC
Rating: Gen
Word Count: 547
Summary: Recovered PsyCorps Files: 18th Patway, 5411. Lieutenant Keethe Oxsfen was entered as Guardian of record for Tia, Ric, Irene and Cali Harisse as well as for Tracy Prize.
Content Notes: No standard notes apply
14th Vallos, 5432
Subject: Trust
You asked me to trust you, Doctor Ellie. Therein lies the problem, I find trust a very difficult thing to extend to people. There is a level of trust inherent in having people under my command, but that is a different sort of thing. That is all wrapped up in duty and responsibility and people carrying those things out. I have to trust that people will carry out their duty or else the entire structure of command would collapse in on itself.
I’m to talk to you, to share confidences, tell you things I would not tell anyone else. All in the name of unburdening myself. You claim this can only help me. Needless to say, I have my doubts. I have never been comfortable with debriefings or after mission analysis. Facts are facts, what do my feelings or emotions have to do with facts? Does my post mortem change events, make any difference whatsoever? No.
When I sat down with you, the first thing you asked me was “Who do you trust?” I gave you a short list. A very short list: Hauck, Duck and Chase.
I trust Hauck with my life. Now, even accounting for the time lost in cryo stasis, I have known him longer than anyone else. We were trained together, we served together. He saved my life more times than I can count. When Hauck is at my back, I do not look over my shoulder to check that he is there because I know that he is.
We trusted Duck with the care of our children, years ago when it was time to choose a guardian for them. Marhc and I had different reasons for making that choice. He was thinking logically, and correctly as it turned out. He felt that the team would always protect Duck, our youngest teammate if it came to a mission collapse. I just felt that Duck would take the responsibility seriously. And he did. He was a good parent to my children.
As to Chase... I don’t know why I trusted him. He was the one that really woke me from stasis, you know. My body was revived, but my mind was offline. I was beig stubborn, I didn’t want to wake up. Chase came in after me, in the hospital on Dorshona. He convinced me to wake up. Maybe it was the fact that our minds touched when he used his psionics to pull me back to the living, maybe that look inside gave me reason enough to believe what he told me and trust that he meant what he said. I trusted him with the plan, gave him a key role in our escape, left him to cover our backtrail.
You might ask why I did not name Ric or Cali when I gave you my list. The reason is simple. I don’t know them, not anymore. I knew them when they were young and innocent, before they had suffered great losses and lived through hell. I am not saying I will never trust them, I just don’t know them yet.
I’ll keep your little journal and do your exercises and attend the sessions you recommend, for as long as I see a need or benefit rather than a waste of my time.
Fandom: Original Fiction - Lizards ‘verse
Series: Kat’s Therapy Journal -14th Vallos, 5432
Prompt: Trust Issues
Medium: FIC
Rating: Gen
Word Count: 547
Summary: Recovered PsyCorps Files: 18th Patway, 5411. Lieutenant Keethe Oxsfen was entered as Guardian of record for Tia, Ric, Irene and Cali Harisse as well as for Tracy Prize.
Content Notes: No standard notes apply
14th Vallos, 5432
Subject: Trust
You asked me to trust you, Doctor Ellie. Therein lies the problem, I find trust a very difficult thing to extend to people. There is a level of trust inherent in having people under my command, but that is a different sort of thing. That is all wrapped up in duty and responsibility and people carrying those things out. I have to trust that people will carry out their duty or else the entire structure of command would collapse in on itself.
I’m to talk to you, to share confidences, tell you things I would not tell anyone else. All in the name of unburdening myself. You claim this can only help me. Needless to say, I have my doubts. I have never been comfortable with debriefings or after mission analysis. Facts are facts, what do my feelings or emotions have to do with facts? Does my post mortem change events, make any difference whatsoever? No.
When I sat down with you, the first thing you asked me was “Who do you trust?” I gave you a short list. A very short list: Hauck, Duck and Chase.
I trust Hauck with my life. Now, even accounting for the time lost in cryo stasis, I have known him longer than anyone else. We were trained together, we served together. He saved my life more times than I can count. When Hauck is at my back, I do not look over my shoulder to check that he is there because I know that he is.
We trusted Duck with the care of our children, years ago when it was time to choose a guardian for them. Marhc and I had different reasons for making that choice. He was thinking logically, and correctly as it turned out. He felt that the team would always protect Duck, our youngest teammate if it came to a mission collapse. I just felt that Duck would take the responsibility seriously. And he did. He was a good parent to my children.
As to Chase... I don’t know why I trusted him. He was the one that really woke me from stasis, you know. My body was revived, but my mind was offline. I was beig stubborn, I didn’t want to wake up. Chase came in after me, in the hospital on Dorshona. He convinced me to wake up. Maybe it was the fact that our minds touched when he used his psionics to pull me back to the living, maybe that look inside gave me reason enough to believe what he told me and trust that he meant what he said. I trusted him with the plan, gave him a key role in our escape, left him to cover our backtrail.
You might ask why I did not name Ric or Cali when I gave you my list. The reason is simple. I don’t know them, not anymore. I knew them when they were young and innocent, before they had suffered great losses and lived through hell. I am not saying I will never trust them, I just don’t know them yet.
I’ll keep your little journal and do your exercises and attend the sessions you recommend, for as long as I see a need or benefit rather than a waste of my time.